Organic Produce

My wife asked me to buy organic vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn’t find any. So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, “These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?”

The produce guy looked at me and said, “No. You’ll have to do that yourself.”

DMV Lines

When I went to get my driver’s license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license.

He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, “I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture.”

The clerk looked at his picture closely. “It’s okay,” he reassured the man, “that’s how you’re going to look when the cops pull you over anyway.”

Magic Mirror

A woman walked into an antique store that was down the street from her home. As she wondered around the store the clerk asked her what she was interested in. She said she was interested in buying a mirror.

He showed her a couple mirrors then told her he had a special, magic mirror in the back. She laughed, and said yeah, right! He showed her to the mirror and told her: All you have to say is “Mirror Mirror on the door” then ask for anything. She gave it a try.

Mirror Mirror on the door, make my breast a 44.

KABOOM. She had some huge breast

She ran down the street to her house to show her husband. She told him of the magic mirror on the corner. He raced out the door headed to the antique shop. As he arrived he told the clerk he wanted to try the magic mirror. The clerk took him out back where the mirror was and told him what to say. The man looked at the mirror and said

Mirror Mirror on the door–make my manhood touch the floor

KABOOM. His legs fell off.