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Poaching Lobsters

A poor man was poaching lobsters at the beach. A game warden, his first day on the job, saw him and said: “I’m going to have to arrest you. Poaching is illegal.”

“I’m not poaching lobsters.” the man said. “These are my pets. I’m exercising them. I throw them into the sea, then whistle, and they come back.”

“Show me,” the warden said in disbelief.

The man threw the lobsters into the water and started to walk away.

“Wait!” the warden shouted. “Don’t you have to whistle to call the lobsters back?”

The man looked at the warden, paused, and said, “What lobsters?”

Ethical Question

Upon seeing an elderly lady for the drafting of her will, the attorney charged her $100.

She gave him a $100 bill, not noticing that it was stuck to another $100 bill.

On seeing the two bills stuck together, the ethical question came to the attorney’s mind: “Do I tell my partner?”

Driving Permit

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, “I’ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study the bible a little, and get your hair cut; then we’ll talk about it.”

A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if he could use the car. His father said, “Son, I’m really proud of you. You brought your grades up, studied the bible well, but you didn’t get your hair cut!”

The young man waited a moment and then replied, “You know dad, I’ve been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair.”

His father replied, “Yes son, and they all walked everywhere they went.”

Hunting in the Rain

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed my shotgun and the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to load the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

There was snow mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.”

She sleepily replied, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out hunting right now?”

Lists

An elderly woman returns from her doctor and proclaims that he said that you need to write lists to assist a failing memory.

Her husband explodes with mild invective ending with “I’m NOT making any lists – my memory is OK.”

While watching TV that evening, the wife says “I could just kill for a dish of ice cream.”

“Me too” he exclaims as he totters toward the kitchen.

“With strawberries and chocolate syrup” and then she adds “you better make a list!”

“I saw the freshly cut strawberries and the Hershey’s chocolate syrup is on the top shelf in the refrigerator. So I don’t need your confounded LIST.” The old man bangs around the kitchen for 14 minutes and returns with two plates of bacon and eggs.

His wife looks at her plate and stridently exclaims “See I told you to make a list because you have forgotten my toast.”

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