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Jennifer’s wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement – not even her parent’s nasty divorce. Her mother had found the perfect dress to
wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!
A week before the wedding, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father’s new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother! Jennifer asked her father’s new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. “Absolutely not! I look like a million dollars in this dress, and I’m wearing it,” she replied.
Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, ”Never mind sweetheart. I’ll get another dress. After all, it’s your special day.”
A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, ”Aren’t you going to return the other dress? You really don’t have another
occasion where you could wear it.”
Her mother just smiled and replied, ”Of course I do, dear… I’m wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.”
A woman stops by, unannounced, at her son’s house. She knocks on the door then immediately walks in.
She is shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music is playing, candles are lit, and the aroma of perfume fills the room.
“What are you doing?!” she asks.
“I’m waiting for Jeff to come home from work,” the daughter-in- law explains.
“But you’re naked!” the mother-in-law exclaims.
“This is my love dress,” the daughter-in-law answers.
“Love dress? But you’re naked!”
“Jeff loves me and wants me to wear this dress. It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and can’t get enough of me!”
The mother-in-law leaves, inspired by what she has learned.
When the mother-in-law gets home, she undresses, showers, puts on her best perfume, dims the lights, puts on a romantic CD, and lays on the couch, expectantly awaiting her husband. Finally, her husband comes home. He walks in and sees her lying there provocatively.
“What are you doing?” he asks.
“This is my love dress,” she whispers sensually.
“Needs ironing,” he says. “What’s for dinner?
A lawyer was cross-examining the doctor about whether or not he had checked the pulse of the deceased before he signed the death certificate.
“No,” the doctor said. “I did not check his pulse.”
“And did you listen for a heartbeat?” asked the lawyer.
“No I did not,” the doctor said.
“So,” said the lawyer, “when you signed the death certificate, you had not taken steps to make sure he was dead.”
The doctor said, “Well, let me put it this way. The man’s brain was in a jar on my desk but, for all I know, he could be out practicing law somewhere.”
An old man went to the doctor. He said, “Doctor, I was wondering if you could help me. My wife and I are not getting the same amount of pleasure from sex that we used to.”
The doctor looked at the wrinkled old man in surprise, and said, “Can I ask you how old you are, sir?”
“I’m 87.”, said the old man.
“87!”, exclaimed the doctor, “How old is your wife?”
“She’s 92.”, was the reply.
The doctor was astonished by this, and said, “So let me make sure that I understand this right. You are 87, and your wife is 92 and you are worried that you don’t get as much pleasure from sex as you used to?”
“That is correct.” said the old man, “What can you do to help me?”
“Well,” said the doctor, “when did you first notice this problem?”.
The old man looked thoughtful, “I noticed it first last night, but then twice this morning.”
Smith and Jones were playing racquetball in the local gym.
After the game, they went into the locker room to change, and Smith is shocked and amazed to see Jones wearing a lace bra and garter belt.
Smith: “My God, Jones, when did you start wearing women’s underwear?”
Jones: “Ever since my wife found them in the glove compartment of my car!”