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A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.
The little girl insisted that it was possible because after all Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not possibly swallow a human, its throat was just too small.
The little girl said, “When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah.” The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?” The little girl replied, “Then you can ask him.”
One afternoon in the Arctic, a father polar bear and his polar bear son were sitting in the snow. The cub turned to his father and said: “Dad, am I 100 percent polar bear?”
“Of course, son” replied the father. “you are 100 percent polar bear”
A few minutes later the cub turned to his father again and said: “Dad, tell me the truth, I can take it. Am I 100 percent polar bear? No brown bear or black bear or grizzly bear?”
The father put a loving paw on the son’s head. “Son,” he said “I am 100 percent polar bear, your mother is 100 percent polar bear, so you are definitely 100 percent polar bear.”
The cub seemed satisfied, but a few minutes later he turned to his father and once more said: “Look, Dad, I don’t want you saying this just to spare my feelings. I have to know: am I 100 percent polar bear?”
By now the father is becoming distressed by the continual questioning and said: “Why do you keep asking if you are 100 percent polar bear?”
The cub replied: “Because I’m freezing!!!”
A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. “I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations.”
The son-in-law interrupted, “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.”
“I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well, then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.”
“I hate office work,” said the son-on-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk all day.”
“Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just make you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don’t like factories and won’t work in a office. What am I going to do with you?”
“Easy,” said the young man. “Buy me out.”
A man always wanted to go sky diving but was never able to gather the courage. He goes to the airport and inquires about what is involved in the jump.
The manager explained the procedure to him: “We are expert chute packers and have never had a failure. We take you up in the plane and tell you when to jump out. You pull the main chute ripcord. It always works but if it doesn’t, you pull the auxiliary chute ripcord. You float softly to the ground and we will meet you in that truck over there.”
The man decides to go for it. The plane takes off and circles the airfield. He jumps out and after a brief moment of free fall, pulls the mail chute which fails. He pulls the second ripcord and that fails as well. He looks down towards the ground and says, “I bet that damned truck isn’t there either.”