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Couples Night Out

A group of married friends are at a bar with their husbands for dinner and drinks. The couples chat about different topics, but eventually they switch seats so that all the men sit together and talk about sports and cars, while the women complain about their husbands to one another.

One of the female, clearly exasperated with her marriage and spouse, states loudly for all to hear:
“Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it’s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you’d like to have dinner.”

Hearing that statement, the woman’s husband retorted loudly:
“And women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache.”

Buying Cyanide

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”

The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”

The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”

The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he explained, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband, that’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”

College Exam

A college professor was giving a big science test. Upon collecting the tests she noticed a note attached to one of them with a $100 bill underneath it.

The note read, “One dollar per point please.”

The professor returned the test the following with $40 and a note attached.

The note read, “Here’s your $40 change.”

Hitchhiker

A man is driving in America when he picks up a Navajo man hitchhiking.

They are making small talk when the Navajo notices a brown paper bag with something in it.

The driver notices his glance and explains, “That’s a bottle of wine I got for my wife.”

The Navajo man nods solemnly, “Good trade.”

Ladies Man

On the way home from an office party, a wife said to her middle aged husband: “Have I ever told you how sexy and irresistible to women you are?”

“I don’t believe you have dear,” he replied flattered.

“Then what the hell gave you that idea at the party?”

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