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Three men were on a bus to prison where they were allowed to bring only one personal item. They were telling each other what they brought.
The first man, being intellectually minded, said, “I wanted to bring something that could actually have a variety of purposes. It needed to be something that I could not be easily bored with. So I had a hard choice to make, between a small radio, a tiny television set, and a deck of cards. Knowing that electronic devices would more than likely not be permitted personally to an inmate, I decided upon the cards, so that I can play a number of games: Gin, Rummy, Solitaire, Hearts,” and continued to name more games.
The second man said, “I like painting, and I intend to be the Grandmother Moses of this jail house. I am going to paint anything that I can. So I brought my painting supplies.” The third man, a blond, said with a grin, “I was thoughtful enough to bring a box of Tampons.”
Muffled, the other two men questioned his choice, “What in the hell can you do with Tampons?”
The man grimaced happily, “Well, just look here on the box. You can swim, horseback ride, even skate! I just can’t wait to see how they work!”
A woman is taking a bath when suddenly she hears a knock at the door.
“Can I come in?” a male voice asks.
“Who is it?” the woman asks.
“It is the blind man” says the voice on the other side of the door.
The woman gets out of the bath and after some consideration, opens the door without a cover, thinking, “Well, he’s blind anyway”.
The man comes in the bathroom, takes a good look at the woman and says, “Great boobs! Now where would you like the blinds?”
A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets. First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question. “If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?”
After pondering the question she answered, “I would like to go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra-terrestrial life on the planet.”
They said “well okay, thank you.” And told her that they would get back to her. Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her the same question. In reply, “I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings.” Again, “thank you” and they would get back to her.
Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead. She thought for a while and replied, “I would like to go to the sun.”
The people from NASA replied, “Why, don’t you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?”
The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. “Are you guys dumb? I’d go at night!”
Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the department manager.
Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one of the questions. The manager went to the first applicant and said, “Thank you for your interest, but we’ve decided to give the job to the other applicant.”
“And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct,” asked the rejected applicant.
“We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed,” said the department manager.
“And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?” the rejected applicant inquired.
“Simple,” said the department manager, “Your fellow applicant put down on question #5, ‘I don’t know.’ You put down, ‘Neither do I.’”
A farmhand went to church one Sunday, but when he entered he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the farmhand if he wanted him to go ahead and preach.
“Well,” said the farmhand, “I’m not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I’d still feed him.”
So the minister began his sermon. An hour passed, then two hours, then two and a half hours. Finally the preacher finished and asked the farmhand whether he had enjoyed the sermon.
“Well,” said the farmhand, “I’m not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn’t feed him all the hay.”