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Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond.

The frog said to the princess, “I once was a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so.”

That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she kept laughing and saying, “I don’t THINK so.”

Dorm Rules

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students:

“The female dormitory is out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory is to the female students. Anyone caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Second violation will be a $60 fine. Third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?”

A male student inquired, “How much for a season pass?”

A Coffin

A coffin maker was on his way to deliver one of his coffins, in the process, his car broke down. Trying not to be late, he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.

A police officer saw him and told him to stop, so he asked: “Hey, what are you carrying and where are you going”?

The man replied, “I do not like where I was buried so I am relocating”

 

The Eulogy

One woman married and had 6 children. Her husband died. She soon married again and had 3 more children. Again, her husband died. But she remarried and this time had 4 more children.

At last, she finally died. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed to the Lord above, thanking Him, for this loving woman who fulfilled his
commandment to “Go forth and multiply.” In his eulogy, the preacher said, “Lord, they’re finally together.”

Leaning over to a neighbor, one mourner quietly asked, “Is he referring to her first, second or third husband?”

The neighbor replied, “I think he’s referring to her legs.”

Doctor Needed

A well respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.

“We need a fourth for poker,” said the friend. “I’ll be right over,” whispered the doctor.

As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, “Is it serious?”

“Oh yes, quite serious,” said the doctor gravely. “In fact, three doctors are there already!”