Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, “I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?”
“Only one kiss per yard,” replied the smirking male clerk.
“That’s fine,” replied the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.”
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly.
The girl snapped up the package, turned around and looking at an older lady down one aisle said, “Grandma is paying today.”
There was once a great actor, who had a problem. He could no longer remember his lines. Finally after many years he finds a theater where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.
The director says, “This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You must walk onto the stage carrying a rose, you must hold the rose with just one finger and your thumb to your nose, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line: ‘Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'”
The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he’s practicing his line, over and over again. Finally the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with great passion, he delivered the line: “Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.”
The theater erupted, the audience screamed with laughter and the director was steaming! “You bloody fool!” he cried, “You have ruined me!”
The actor, quite bewildered, asked, “What happened, did I forget my line?” he asked.
“No!” the director screamed, “You forgot the bloody rose!”
Jose and Carlos are panhandlers that panhandle in different areas of town.
Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose but only collects $2-3 every day.
Jose brings home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.
One day, Carlos asked Jose, “I work just as long and hard as you do, but how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?”
“Look at your sign, what does it say?” replies Jose.
Carlos’ sign reads, “I have no work, a wife and six kids to support.”
Jose says, “no wonder you only get $2-3.”
Carlos says, “So what does your sign say then?”
Jose shows Carlos his sign – it reads: “I only need another $10 to move back to Mexico”