A blonde was rollerblading with her headphones on. She stopped at a hair salon and asked for a haircut. She instructed that the hair stylist could not take off her headphones.
The stylist replied refusing to cut her hair, so she left.
She went to a different hair salon and said the same thing. This time, the stylist agreed to cut her hair.
After a while, the blonde fell asleep in the chair. The stylist took off the headphones and the blonde died on spot.
Confused about what happened, the stylist put on the headphones and she heard the recording say “breath in, breath out.”
The commanding officer at the Russian military academy (the equivalent of a 4-star general in the U.S.) gave a lecture on potential problems and military strategy. At the end of the lecture, he asked if there were any questions.
An officer stood up and asked, “Will there be a third world war? And will Russia take part in it?”
The general answered both questions in the affirmative.
Another officer asked, “Who will be the enemy?”
The general replied, “All indications point to China.”
Everyone in the audience was shocked. A third officer remarked, “General, we are a nation of only 150 million, compared to the 1.5 billion Chinese. Can we win at all, or even survive?”
The general answered, “Just think about this for a moment: In modern warfare, it is not the number of soldiers that matters but the quality of an army’s capabilities. For example, in the Middle East, we have had a few wars recently where 5 million Jews fought against 150 million Arabs, and Israel was always victorious.”
After a small pause, an officer from the back of the auditorium asked, “Do we have enough Jews?”
A frustrated father talked to his work colleague about his kids and discipline.
“When I was a youngster,” he said, “I was disciplined by being sent to my room without supper. But in my son’s room he has a TV, a laptop, a game console, his cell phone, and a stereo.” After a moment he added, “And I bet he has a stash of snacks there too. We are starting to lose our minds, man, you know what I mean?”
“Oh I do,” replied his colleague, “We’re dealing with the same struggle.”
“So what do you do?” asked the first one.
“We send him to our room!”