A man walks into a bar, already drunk, and asks for a drink. “Sorry,” the bartender says, “but you obviously already had a little too much to drink.”
Fuming mad the man staggers out the front door and walks back in through the side door. “Can I have a drink please?”
“Sorry,” the bartender says, “but you can’t have a drink here.”
The man staggers out again and then stumbles his way back in through the back door. “Can I please have a drink?”
“Enough!” the bartender screamed. “I told you, no drinks!”
The man looks at the bartender closely and exclaims “Geez! How many bars do you work at?!”
There are five different kinds of sex:
The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon; you both keep doing it until you’re blue in the face.
The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage; you’ll have sex anywhere, anytime. Including the kitchen.
The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You’ve calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you’ve got to do it in the bedroom.
The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is where you pass each other in the hallway and say, “Screw you!”
And the last, fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex. This is when you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in court.
A guy underwent a surgery and met with his blonde doctor afterward to discuss next steps in his recovery.
Patient : “What are the chances of my recovering, doctor?”
Doctor : “One hundred percent.”
Patient: “How can you be so sure?”
Doctor: “Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I’ve treated and all the others died.”