Report Card

Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good mostly A’s and a couple of B’s. However, her teacher had written across the bottom:

“Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit.”

Sally’s dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: “Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother.”

A Statue

A woman was in bed with her young lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
“Hurry, she said, stand in the corner.” She rubbed baby oil all over him, and then totally dusted him all over with talcum powder.
“Don’t move until I tell you,” she said. “Just pretend you’re a statue.”
“What’s this?” the husband inquired as he entered the room.
“Oh it’s a statue.” she replied. “The Smiths bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too.” No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2am the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
“Here,” he said to the statue, “have this. I stood like that for two frickin’ days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing.”

A Discount

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his blonde secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, “You graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I was to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?”

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, “Everything but my earrings.”