Tired Marine

A Marine boarded a train on his way home from deployment. The train was quite crowded, and the Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat. There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed middle-aged French woman, but when he got there he saw it was taken by the woman’s poodle.

The war-weary Marine asked, “Ma’am, may I have that seat?” The French woman sniffed and said to no one in particular, “Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.”

The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat available was under that dog. “Please, Ma’am. May I sit down? I’m very tired,” he asked again. She snorted, “Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!”

This time the Marine didn’t say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window and sat down. The woman shrieked, “Someone must defend my honor! Put this American in his place!”

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up. “Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window.”

Blonde Interview

A blonde goes for a job interview. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. “So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?”

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying, “Ehhhh … 22!”

The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. “And can you tell us your height, please?”

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, “Five foot two!”

This isn’t looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. “And uhh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?”

The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying, “Mandy!”

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, “Just out of curiosity, Miss. I can understand you counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when I asked you your name?’

“Ohh that!”, replies the blonde, “That’s just me running through ‘Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you…”

Need Vacation

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted crazy then he would tell me to take a few days off. So, I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the boss would think I was crazy and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the boss came into the office and asked, “What are you doing?” I told him I was a light bulb. He said, “You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.” I jumped down and walked out of the office.

My co-worker started to follow me, and the boss asked her, “And where do you think you’re going?” She said, “I’m going home too, I can’t work in the dark.”

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