Redneck’s Wishes

A Redneck finds a lamp. He rubs it and a Genie emerges. The Genie tells him he will be granted three wishes. The Guy thinks for a moment and says, ‘First, give me a bottomless mug of beer.’
A mug of beer appears in his hand. He sips it once, then again and the mug is magically refilled. The Guy is thrilled and continues to drink. The mug never empties.
Then the Genie says, ‘And what about your other two wishes?’
The guy thinks for a moment and says, ‘Give me two more just like this one!’

Snacking Habits

The husband had an annoying habit of searching through the refrigerator for a snack, usually while his wife was preparing a meal.

Once, after he had gone through this routine for the third time in as many minutes, she snapped, “Nothing’s any different than it was a minute ago.”

“I know that,” he assured her. “It’s just that this time I’ve lowered my standards.”

At The Pearly Gates

Three people die – a doctor, a school teacher and the CEO of a large health insurance company. When met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter, he asks the doctor, ‘What did you do in your life?’

The Doctor replied, ‘I healed the sick and if they could not pay I would do it for free.’ St. Peter told the Doctor, ‘You may go in.’

St. Peter then asked the teacher what she did. She replied, ‘I taught educationally challenged children.’ St. Peter then told her ‘You may go in.’

At last, he asked the third man, ‘What did you do?’ The man hung his head and replied, ‘I ran a large health insurance company.’ To which St. Peter replied, ‘You may go in, but you can only stay 3 days.’