A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking.
The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large”.
Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, ” We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows”.
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, “And what are those”?
The Aussie asks with an incredulous look, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas”?
A blonde woman walks into an auto parts store. The associate asks how she is doing and what he could do for her.
She replies, “I’m fine. I need a seven-ten cap for my car.”
The man asks,” A seven-ten cap? Where does it go, I’ve never heard of such a thing?”
The blonde angrily replies, “It goes on top of the engine and don’t think just because I’m a blonde woman I don’t know what I’m talking about!!”
Perplexed, the parts man asks if she would draw him a picture that might help him figure out what it is she needs.
The blonde takes the paper, draws a shape of a cup and in the middle writes: 710.
As the associate sees it from across the counter, he smirks and hands her a new oil cup. With a note of sarcasm he says, “You’re right, being a woman has nothing to do with this.”
A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a very fancy new 10 speed bike. “Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300.”
“Easy, Dad,” the boy replied. “I earned it hiking.”
“Come on,” the father said. “Tell me the truth.”
“That is the truth,” the boy replied. “Every night you were gone, Mr. Reynolds from the grocery store would come over to see Mom. He’d give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!”