Two neighbors were talking about work. One said, “I hate my job, our foreman just decided that we were only going to get 15 minute break twice a day because some people have been taking naps during the longer breaks and were sluggish once woken.”
The other neighbor said, “I got fired this week and have to look for a new job.”
The first one asked, “Say, why did the foreman fire you?”
The other replied, “Well, you know how a foreman is always standing around and watching others do the work? Well, I have been doing a lot of that lately and my foreman got jealous. People started thinking I was the foreman.”
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, “Do you want to go to heaven?”
The man said, “I do Father.”
The priest said, “Then stand over there against the wall.” Then the priest asked the second man, “Do you want to go to heaven?”
“Certainly, Father,” was the man’s reply.
“Then stand over there against the wall,” said the priest. Then Father Murphy walked up to O’Toole and said, “Do you want to go to heaven?”
O’Toole said, “No, I don’t Father.
The priest said, “I don’t believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don’t want to go to heaven?”
O’Toole said, “Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go on the trip right now.”
One day while jogging, a middle-aged man noticed a tennis ball lying by the side of the walk. Being fairly new and in good condition, he picked the ball up, put it in his pocket and proceeded on his way.
Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blond standing next to him smiling.
“What do you have in your pocket?” she asked.
“Tennis ball,” the man said smiling back.
“Wow,” said the blonde looking upset. “That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was unbearable!”