Australian Police have been unable to recommend a prosecution for the following scam:
A company takes out a newspaper advertisement claiming to be able to supply imported hard core pornographic videos. As their prices seem reasonable, people place orders and make payments via check.
After several weeks, the company writes back explaining that under the present law they are unable to supply the materials and do not wish to be prosecuted. So they return their customers’ money in the form of a company check.
However, due to the name of the company, few people will present these checks to their banks.
The name of the company: “The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company”
This old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat.
His wife said, “Where are you going ?”
He said, “I’m going to the doctor.”
And she said, “Why? Are you sick?”
“No,” he said. “I’m going to get me some of those new Viagra pills.”
So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater and he said, “Where are you going?”
She said, “I’m going to the doctor too.”
He said, “Why?”
She said, “If you’re going to start using that rusty old thing again, I’m going to get a tetanus shot.”
A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake.
Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped into the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their “freedom.”
As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.
After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates.
The rabbi replied, “I don’t know about you, but in my congregation, it’s my face they would recognize.”
An old man went to the doctor. He said, “Doctor, I was wondering if you could help me. My wife and I are not getting the same amount of pleasure from sex that we used to.”
The doctor looked at the wrinkled old man in surprise, and said, “Can I ask you how old you are, sir?”
“I’m 87.”, said the old man.
“87!”, exclaimed the doctor, “How old is your wife?”
“She’s 92.”, was the reply.
The doctor was astonished by this, and said, “So let me make sure that I understand this right. You are 87, and your wife is 92 and you are worried that you don’t get as much pleasure from sex as you used to?”
“That is correct.” said the old man, “What can you do to help me?”
“Well,” said the doctor, “when did you first notice this problem?”.
The old man looked thoughtful, “I noticed it first last night, but then twice this morning.”
An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.
After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him, “Are you a real cowboy?”
“Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences… I guess I am,” replied the cowboy.
After a short while he asked her what she was.
“I’ve never been on a ranch so I’m not a cowboy, but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women, when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women,” told the young woman.
A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink.
A couple sat down next to him and asked, “Are you a real cowboy?”
“Well, I always thought I was, but I just found out that I’m a lesbian!”