Two guys are fishing and just ran out of beer. The first guy reels in his line and sees that he’s snagged an old bottle. As he’s taking it off the hook, he rubs it and a genie pops out. The genie promises to grant them one wish.
“Turn the lake into beer,” says the first guy without much thought. The genie goes “Poof!” and the lake turns into beer, then he disappears.
The guy proudly turns to his friend and says, “Am I brilliant or what?”
The other guy says, “You idiot. Now we’ve got to pee in the boat.”
An exhausted looking blonde dragged herself into the doctor’s office. “Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and night, and I can’t get a wink of sleep.”
“I have good news for you,” the doctor answered, rummaging trough a drawer full of sample medications. “Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over.”
A few weeks later the blonde returns, looking worse than ever and she seems to have lost a lot of weight. “Doc, your plan is no good. I’m more tired than before!” “I don’t understand how that could be,” said the doctor, shaking his head. “Those are the strongest pills on the market!”
“That may be true,” answered the blonde wearily, “but I’m still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one, it’s hard getting him to swallow the pill.”
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, “Esther, I’d like to ride in that helicopter.” Esther always replied, “I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.”
One year, Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, “Esther, I’m 85 years old. If I don’t ride that helicopter today, I might never get another chance.” To this, Esther replied, “Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.”
The pilot overheard the couple and said, “Folks, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don’t say a word I won’t charge you a penny! But if you say one word it’s fifty dollars.”
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, “By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t. I’m impressed!”
Morris replied, “Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!”