The conductor turned to the violin student and said: “You should have taken up the violin earlier.”

“Why?” asked the student. “Do you think the practice would have made me really good?”

“No,” said the conductor. “But you might have given up by now.”

Emergency Procedure

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

“All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards.”

Pretending to be Married

A man and a pretty woman who had never met before found themselves sharing a sleeping compartment on a train.

The man on the top bunk and the lady on the bottom bunk.

During the night, man woke and asked “Sorry to bother you, but would you reach into the closet to get me the 2nd blanket, I’m freezing!”

“I have a better idea” she replied, “Why don’t we pretend we are married?”

“Wow what a great idea!” he said.

“Good” she said, “Get your own blanket yourself, you lazy bastard!”

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