One year, I needed a second job and worked as a Santa at a huge mall. My disguise was so good, when my wife brought our son to visit Santa, he didn’t recognize me at all. He sat on my lap and asked me for an electric train set.
“If you get your train,” I told him, “your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?”
The boy became very quiet. So, moving the conversation along, I asked, “What else would you like Santa to bring you?”
He promptly replied, “Another train.”
A mother and her four year old son were putting out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve. Accidentally, the mom dropped one cookie on the floor.
“No problem,” she said, picking it up and dusting it off before placing it back on the plate.
“You can’t do that,” argued the child. “It’s now got bacteria on it.”
“Don’t worry,” replied the mom with a sneaky smile, “Santa will never know.”
The child thought about it for a moment and said, with a note of suspicion in his voice, “So he knows if I’ve been bad or good all year, but he doesn’t know the cookie fell on the floor?”
A nerd was walking on campus one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle.
The first nerd was stunned and asked, “Where did you get such a nice bike?”
The second nerd replied, “Well, yesterday I was walking home minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, ’Take what you want!’”
The second nerd nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”