You know you're in a redneck hospital when…

… Ambulance is a mule driven buckboard with a spinning lantern…. Nurses wear flour sack uniforms and look like burned out cloggers…. Dogs hang around O.R. for scraps…. Maternity Room is a do-it-yourself with fresh straw, a jack knife and a string…. Anesthesiologist in bib overalls, feeds you a clear liquid out of a mason jar…. Your Gynecologist is Ernest…. Your Proctologist, who watched Deliverance 200 times, asks you if can squeal like a pig…. The Interns are led by Ernest T. Bass…. Surgical instruments include a stick of dynamite and a chain saw…. Hospital food consist of picking-your-own corn on the roof…. Immunizations are worn fanny-packs, full of lizard’s feet, owl’s beaks and pig’s ears…. Double By-Pass Surgery is only done when it’s shown on The Learning Channel…. You have a choice of walkers, with or without a gun rack…. You share the Recovery Room with a sick cow…. The bill is figured either in dollars or chickens.