"The older I get the less surprised I think I'd be if a random body part just fell off one day."
Author: juhy
“If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.”
A rich man is one who isn’t afraid to ask the clerk to show him something cheaper.
"Lead me not into temptation. I know the way."
"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting."
Why did the parents not like their son’s biology teacher? He had skeletons in his closet.
My mother was so surprised when I told her I was born again. She said she didn’t feel a thing!
I’m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell?
You take away the looks, money, intelligence, charm and success and, really, there's no real difference between me and George Clooney.
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school? Because he's dead.