13> Tells everyone to “hit the inferno” after class.
12> Locker room smells strongly of brimstone.
11> “Remember, be sure to hydrate with a nice warm glass of goat’s blood before you begin running your laps.”
10> Three words: “Shirts and Skinned”
9> The only game he knows has only one rule: First you push the rock up the hill, then you push the rock up the hill, then you push the rock up the hill…
8> Mustache + field hockey stick = Average girls’ gym teacher Mustache + field hockey stick + horns = Satan
7> Insists that you do chin-ups the right way — with your eyelids.
6> Dodgeball involves a V8 Ram Pickup.
5> “Okay, Billy, I need *you* to pick two of your classmates to participate in the rope climb race. The loser dies.”
4> “Behold as I produce the dodgeballs from my own body…”
3> He is completely red, has horns and a tail, and carries a pitchfork. Actually, these signs apply to any occupation.
2> Week 1: Aerobics and Weight Training
Week 2: Flames and Poking
1> Sign above the gym door says, “Abandon all hope ye who enter here. (No street shoes.)”
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[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]