1. The first kind is smurf sex. This happens during the
honeymoon period: you both keep doing it until you’re blue in
2. The second kind is kitchen sex. This at the begining of the
marriage; you’ll have anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen.
3. The third kind is bedroom sex. You’ve calmed down a bit,
perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bed room.
4. The fourth kind is hallway sex. This is the phase where you
pass each other in the hallway an say, “Fuck you!”
5. The fifth kind of sex: courtroom sex. This is when you get
divorced and your wife or husband screws you in front of
everyone in the courtroom.