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Morning Coffee
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, “You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.”
The husband said, “You are in charge of the cooking around here so you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.”
Wife replied, “No, you should do it, and besides it says in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.”
Husband replied, “I can’t believe that! Show me.”
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says, “HEBREWS.”
Baby Names
When Diane found out she was pregnant, she told the good news to anyone who would listen. Her 4-year-old son, Sam, overheard some of his parents private conversations.
One day, when Diane and Sam were shopping, a woman asked Sam if he was excited about the new baby.
“Yes!” Sam said.
“Do you know if you’re getting a sister or a brother?” the woman inquired to entertain the boy.
“No,” exclaimed Sam, “but I know what we are going to name it.”
“Oh, that’s great, can you tell me?” continued the woman.
“If it’s a girl we’re going to call her Christina, and if it’s another boy we’re going to call it quits!” came the reply.
My psychiatrist…
My psychiatrist said I was pre-occupied with the vengeance I told him “oh yeah we’ll see about that!”
To the person…
To the person who invented infinity: “Thanks for everything.”
Leave My Church
The Pastor approached his pulpit one Sunday and said, “Before we get started today I want you to know that there are rumors running rampant. I’ve heard that many of you out there have been a he’n and a she’n out of wedlock. If you been then get up and get out of my church right now!”
Some couples got up and left.
Then he said, “Some of you been a he’n and he’n. I want you to get up and get out of my church right now!”
Some guys got up and left.
He says, “Some of you ladies been a she’n and she’n. Leave my church right now!” Some women left.
Old Brother Brown in the back got up and was leaving.
Pastor asked, “Where you goin’ Brother Brown?”
Brother Brown replied, “I know sooner or later you’ll be gettin’ to me’n and a me’n and I’m just gettin’ a head start.”
To this…
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.