If you believe that the quickest way to a man's heart is the stomach, you know that you are aiming a little too high.
Sarcastic One-Liners
People don't get my puns. They think they're funny.
I named my dog 6 miles so I can tell people that I walk 6 miles every single day.
Dear alma mater, please don't send wealth management workshop invites to those of us who majored in creative writing.
Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
Yesterday, I fell down from a 10 meter ladder. Thank God I was on the third step.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
Top 3 situations that require witnesses: 1) Crimes 2) Accidents 3) Marriages Need I say more?
My friend claims that he "accidentally" glued himself to his autobiography, but I don't believe him. But that's his story, and he's sticking to it.