Dear alma mater, please don't send wealth management workshop invites to those of us who majored in creative writing.
Author: Joker#1
Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
Yesterday, I fell down from a 10 meter ladder. Thank God I was on the third step.
A tree house is the biggest insult to a tree. "Here, I killed your friend. Hold him."
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
Top 3 situations that require witnesses: 1) Crimes 2) Accidents 3) Marriages Need I say more?
My friend claims that he "accidentally" glued himself to his autobiography, but I don't believe him. But that's his story, and he's sticking to it.
What's worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing Taxi.
Sometimes, when I am matching socks, I think, "What if these two socks don't even like each other?"