The best part about working in an office is that if you ever forget that you got a haircut, someone will definitely point it out to you.
Sarcastic One-Liners
My wife sent her photograph to the Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back saying they weren't that lonely.
Your opinion is very important to me, please remain on the line until it goes to voicemail.
The thinnest book in the world must be titled "What Men Know About Women."
Give a man a gun and he will rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he will rob everyone.
People said I'd never get over my obsession with Phil Collins. But take a look at me now.
Writing a horror screenplay. It starts off with a ringing phone. The person answers, and it's their mum saying "I have a computer question."
I tried to get back to the drawing board but I can't draw.
Why do I keep paying the bills? It just encourages them to send more.
I tried water polo but my horse drowned.