Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Sarcastic One-Liners
Don’t rush me. I’m waiting for the last minute.
Among the things that are so simple even a child can operate them are parents.
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
When someone says, ‘Expect the unexpected.” I slap them and say, ‘You didn’t expect that, did you?
They say women speak 20,000 words a day. I have a daughter who gets that done by breakfast.
Some days at work, I just wonder which level of hell is this?
When I’m feeling down and someone says “suck it up”, I get the urge to break their legs and say, “walk it off”.