I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it's Election night.
Author: Joker#1
When I get a dog I'm going to name him five miles so I can say I walk five miles every day.
Education is important but other stuff is more importanter.
I'm seriously thinking about re-marrying my ex-wife, but I'm pretty sure she'll figure out I'm just after my money.
Saying "super size it" at the drive-thru doesn't work when it's a pharmacy.
Definition of Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
I changed my password to "incorrect", so anytime I forget and enter the wrong thing, the computer tells me what it is.
My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage. I take that as a compliment.
My grandma always said "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.
My wife was furious at me for kicking dropped ice cubes under the refrigerator. But now it's just water under the fridge.