Smoking will kill you... Bacon will kill you... But, smoking bacon will cure it.
Author: Joker#1
I hate it when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy's truck leaves him too.
It was only when I bought a motorbike that I found out that adrenaline is brown.
My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.
I can totally keep secrets. It's the people I tell them to that can't.
You take away the looks, money, intelligence, charm and success and, really, there's no real difference between me and George Clooney.
I walked past a homeless guy with a sign that read, "One day, this could be you." I put my money back in my pocket, just in case he's right.
Aging is no fun...they used to time me with a stopwatch, now they use a calendar.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.