User called to say they forgot password. Told them to use
password retrieval utility called FDISK. They thank me and hang
up. God, we let the people vote and drive, too?
Accounting called to say they couldn’t access reports database.
Gave them Standard Sys Admin Answer #112, Well, it works for me.
Let them rant while I unplugged my coffeemaker from the UPS and
plugged their server back in. Suggested they try it again. One
more happy customer…
Quiet for last few hours. Decide to plug phone back in so I can
call my girlfriend. Says parents are coming into town this
weekend. Put her on hold and transferred her to janitorial
Return from lunch.
Yet another user calls. Wants to know how to change fonts. Ask
them what chip set they’re using. Tell them to call back when
they find out.
Support manager arrives. Wants to discuss my attitude. Click on
PhoneNotes SmartIcon. Love to, but kinda busy. I yell as I grab
for the support lines, which have(mysteriously) lit up. Walks
Team leader from R&D needs ID for new employee. Tell them to
hang on. Transfer them to janitorial closet in basement.
Perky sounding intern from R&D calls and says she needs new ID.
Tell her I need employee number, and marital status. Run
@DbLookup against parole board database, CDC database, and my
Oprah database. No hits. Tell her ID will be ready tonight, I
offer to personally deliver ID to her apartment.
Janitor stops by to say he keeps getting strange calls in
basement. Offer to train him on Notes. Begin now. Let him watch
console while I grab a smoke.
Return from smoking break. Janitor says phones kept ringing, so
he transferred them to cafeteria lady. I like this guy.
Big commotion! Support manager falls in hole left where I pulled
floor tiles outside his office door. Stress to him importance of
running in computer room, even if I do yell Omigod — Fire!
Legal secretary calls and says she lost password. Ask her to
check in her purse, floor of car, and on bathroom counter. Tell
probably fell out of back of machine. Suggest she put duct tape
over all the airvents she can find on the PC. Grudgingly offer
to create new ID for her while she does that.
Janitor comes back. Wants more lessons. I take off rest of day.
Irate user calls to say chipset has nothing to do with fonts on
form. Tell them of course, they should have been checking
chipset. Sheepish user apologizes and hangs up.
Support manager, with foot in cast, returns to office. Schedules
meeting with me.
Call Louie in janitorial services to cover for me. Go to support
manager’s office. He says he can’t dismiss me but can suggest
lateral career moves. Most involve farm implements in
third-world countries. I ask if he’s aware of new bug which
takes full-text indexed random e-mail databases and puts all
references to handcuffs and Bambi in Marketing on the corporate
Web page. Meeting is adjourned as he reaches for keyboard, Web
browser, and Tums.
Tell Louie he’s doing great job. Offer to show him mainframe
corporate PBX system sometime.
Return from lunch.
Shift change; Going home.
New guy (Marvin) started today. “Nice plaids” I offer. Set him
up with IBM PC-XT. Tell him to quit whining, Notes runs the same
in both monochrome and color.
New guy’s PC finishes booting up. Tell him I’ll create new ID
for him. Set minimum password length to 64. Go grab smoke.
Introduce Louie the custodian to Marvin. Nice plaids Louie
comments. Is this guy great or what?!
Beat Louie in dominos game. Louie leaves. Fish spare dominos out
of sleeves (Always have backups).
Shift change. Flick HR’s server off and on several times (just
testing the On/Off button…). See ya tomorrow.
Night shift still trying to replace power supply in HR server.
Told them it worked fine before I left.
Marvin still not here. Decide I might start answering these
calls myself. Unforward phones from Mailroom.
Yep. A user call. Users in Des Moines can’t replicate. Me and
the Oiuji board determine it’s sunspots. Tell them to call
Good God, another user! They’re like ants. Says he’s in San
Diego and can’t replicate with Des Moines. Tell him it’s
with a two-hour difference. Suggest he reset the time on the
server back two hours.
E-mail from corporate says for everybody to quit resetting the
time on their servers. I change the date stamp and forward it to
Milwaukee calls, asks what day it is.
Support manager stops by to say Marvin called in to quit. So
hard to get good help… I respond. Support manager says he has
appointment with orthopedic doctor this afternoon, and asks if I
mind sitting in on the weekly department head meeting for him.
Call Louie and tell him opportunity knocks and he’s invited to a
this afternoon. Yeah, sure. You can bring your snuff I tell him.
New user calls. Says want to learn how to create a connection
document. Tell them to run connection document utility
CTRL-ALT-DEL. Says PC rebooted. Tell them to call microsupport.
Finish changing foreground color in all documents to white. Also
set point size to 2 in help databases.
User calls to say they can’t see anything in documents. Tell
them to go to view, do a Edit — Select All, hit delete key, and
then refresh. Promise to send them document addendum which says
Another user calls. Says they can’t read help documents. Tell
them I’ll fix it. Hang up. Change font to Wingdings.
Plug coffee maker into Ethernet hub to see what happens. Not
Night shift shows up. Tell that the hub is acting funny and to
have a good weekend. Che