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A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in the long line for the judgment.
As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the gates of Heaven while others were led over to Satan who threw them into the burning pit. Every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss a soul off to one side into a small pile.
After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow’s curiosity got the better of him. So he strolled over and tapped Satan on the shoulder.
“Excuse me, Prince of Darkness,” he said. “I’m waiting in line for my judgment, but I couldn’t help wondering, why are you tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of Hell with the others?”
“Ah, those…” Satan said with a groan. “They’re all from Seattle; they’re too wet to burn!”
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.
He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies. The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy:
“Fresh as a man who never knew he was kneaded. Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children, and one in the oven.”
A young man, fresh out of college, went to see his doctor one day.
“Doc, there’s something wrong with me. Every time I stand in a baby’s high chair and face southwest, and then touch my tongue to a piece of aluminum foil that’s wrapped around an acorn, I get a strange tingle in my big toe.
Can you tell me what the problem is?”
“Sure,” the doctor said. “You have way too much time on your hands.”
A man joined a big corporate empire as a trainee. On his very first day of work, he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone, “Get me a coffee, quickly!”
The voice from the other side responded, “You fool you’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to, dumbo?”
“No,” replied the trainee.
“It’s the CEO of the company, you fool!”
The trainee shouted back, “And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?!”
“No,” replied the CEO indignantly.
“Good!” replied the trainee, and put down the phone.
Several women appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble that they were having in the apartment building where they all lived.
After a lot of back and forth accusations and overall yelling one over another, the judge demanded order in the courtroom.
Once the courtroom became quiet, the judge, with Solomon-like wisdom, decreed, “Alright ladies, I’m ready to hear and see the actual evidence. I’ll hear the oldest first.”
The case was dismissed for lack of testimony.