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Coming Home from the Bar

Two women are walking home from the bar, they both have to pee so they slip into a nearby cemetery. One uses her panties to wipe herself, and the other uses a reef off a head stone.

Next night the husbands met at the bar, one looks at the other and says “I’m gonna have to watch my wife, she came home with no panties last night.” The other one says “Oh well, mine came home with a card wedged in her butt saying “You were loved and will be missed by the whole entire fire department.”

Super Powers

Peter comes very drunk home late at night. He wakes his sleeping wife: “Emily wake up! You know what just happened!?”
“No”, she replies sleepily.
“I went to the toilet and the light switched on all by itself. And when I went out of there, the light switched off again without me having to do anything. I think I’m getting super powers!”
Emily replies groans: “Oh no, Peter! You pig, you just peed into the fridge again!!!”

Colors on the Flag

A Dutchman was explaining the red, white and blue Netherlands flag to an American.

“Our flag is symbolic of our taxes. We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and blue after we pay them.”

The American nodded. “It’s the same in the USA only we see stars too!”

Excuse

Two high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes.

After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire.

Much to their relief she smiled and said: “Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper.”

Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said, “First Question: Which tire was flat?”

Frantic Call

A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious patient.

“I’m diabetic and I’m afraid I’ve had too much sugar today,” the caller said.

“Well, let’s see. Do you feel any symptoms? Are you light-headed?” my colleague asked.

“No,” the caller answered, “I’m a brunette.”

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