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Judge’s Question

A guy appeared in court for killing his wife after catching her in bed with another man. Passing sentence, the judge said:

“Can I ask, why did you kill your wife instead of just killing her lover?”

The defendant replied: “But your honor, is it not better that I just killed her rather than a different man each week?”

Reward

An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, infinite wisdom, or infinite beauty.

Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.

“Done!” says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.

Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers,

“Say something.”

The dean sighs and says, “I should have taken the money.”

Slow at the Course

Two men are trying to get in a quick eighteen holes, but there two women golfers in front of them who are taking quite a long time to play each hole.

The first guy says, “Why don’t you go over and ask if we can play through?” The second guy gets about halfway there, turns and comes back. The first guy says, “What’s wrong?”

He says, “One of them is my wife, and the other is my mistress.”

The first guy says, “That could be a problem. I’ll go over.” He gets about halfway there and he turns and comes back, too.

The second guy says, “What’s wrong?”

The first guy says, “Small world!”

The Grasshopper

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender laughs and says, ‘Hey, we have a drink named after you!’

The grasshopper looks at the bartender, with a look of extreme confusion on his face, and says, ‘You have a drink called Steve?’

A Dark and Stormy Night

A man stood on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The night was rolling and no cars passed. The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.

Suddenly he saw a car come towards him and stop. The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door only to realize that nobody was behind the wheel. The car started moving slowly. The guy looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way. Scared, he started praying, and begged for his life. He hadn’t come out of shock, when just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and moved the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time before a curve.

Finally, he gathered strength, got out of the car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he ran into a bar and asked for two shots of tequila, and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through, crying as he went on.

About half an hour later, two guys walked into the same bar, one said to the other: “Look, that’s the character who climbed into our car while we were pushing!”

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