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A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day.
That night, one of the hunters, who happened to be blonde, returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight point buck.
“Where’s Henry? one of his camp mates asked.”
“Henry had a stroke of some kind. He’s a couple of miles back up the trail.”
“You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back!?!”
“A tough call,” nodded the hunter, “but I figured no one is going to steal Henry!”
A young, freshly minted lieutenant was sent abroad as part of the peace keeping mission. During a briefing on land mines, the captain asked for questions.
Our intrepid solder raised his hand and asked, “If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?”
“Normal procedure, lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area.”
Sitting at the bar, sad Rob told the bartender that he was drinking to forget the heartbreak of his broken engagement.
“So what happened, dude? asked the bartender.
“Well, what can I say.” said Rob, “Would you marry someone who didn’t know the meaning of the word faithful, and who was flip and even vicious when the subject of fidelity came up?”
“No way in hell” said the bartender.
“Well,” said Rob, “apparently, neither would my fiance.”
Housework was a woman’s job, but one evening, Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer. Dinner was on the stove, and the table set. She was astonished! It turned out that Ralph had read an article that said, ‘Wives who worked full-time and had to do all the housework were too tired to have sex’.
The night went very well. The next day, she told her office friends all about it.
‘We had a great dinner. Ralph even cleaned up the kitchen. He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put it away. I really enjoyed the evening.’
‘But what about afterward?’ asked her friends.
‘Oh, that … Ralph was too tired..’
A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
“Quick,” said the woman to her lover, “into the closet!”, and she pushed him into the closet stark naked.
The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet.
“Who are you?” he asked him.
“I’m an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,” said the exterminator.
“What are you doing in there?” the husband asked.
“I’m investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,” the man replied.
“And where are your clothes?” asked the husband.
The man looked down at himself and said, “Those little bastards!”