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A man walking along the beach one day finds a bottle. He rubs it and, sure enough, out popped a genie. “I will grant you three wishes,” said the genie. “But there is a catch. Every time you make a wish, every lawyer in the world will receive double the wish you were granted.”
“Well, I can live with that! No problem!” replied the elated man.
“What is your first wish?” asked the genie.
“Well, I’ve always wanted a Ferrari!” POOF! A Ferrari appeared in front of the man. “Now every lawyer in the world has TWO Ferraris,” said the genie. “Next wish?”
“I’d love a million dollars,” replied the man. POOF! One million dollars appeared at his feet. “Now every lawyer in the world has TWO million dollars,” said the genie. “Well, that’s okay, as long as I’ve got my million,” replied the man. “What is your third and final wish?”
The man thought long and hard, and finally said, “Well, you know, I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney!”
A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree.
As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her private parts. In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor.
He listened to her story then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared.
The angry lady demanded, ” What took you so long?”
The unperturbed doctor replied, “Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area.”
During a child birthing class at a local hospital, a nurse says, “Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path.”
She turns to the men in the room and says “Gentlemen, remember that you’re both in this together. It wouldn’t hurt for you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both.”
The room becomes very quiet as the men absorb this information. After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room slowly raises his hand. “Yes?” says the Nurse.
“I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk.”
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.
Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much. I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior. I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you too.’
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But, I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep – I cried.
I don’t know what to do. I am almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
Motorcycle won’t start… can’t figure out why.
A teacher noticed that little Johnny at the back of the class was squirming around, pulling at his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find our what was going on.
Little Johnny was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had a minor surgery on his willy over the weekend and was quite itchy now.
The teacher told him to go down to the principal’s office. He was to call his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did that and returned to the class.
Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. The teacher went back to investigate only to find Johnny sitting at his desk with his pants down.
“I thought I told you to call your mom!” she said.
“I did” replied Johnny hesitantly, “and she told me that if I could stick it out until lunchtime, she’d come and pick me up from school.”