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I like when…
I like when flies won’t leave my car on long road trips. Have fun moving to Kansas, you tiny idiot.
A Woman’s Purse
My husband was trying to embarrass me at a party by carrying on about all the stuff women carry in their purses.
Instead of getting angry or blushing I said, “You’re right. There IS too much stuff in my purse.” So, I removed his wallet, cigarettes, lighter, and car keys and handed them to him.
When he asked what he was supposed to do with them, I smile and said, “Get your own purse!”
If at first…
If at first you don’t succeed… blame someone else and seek counseling.
The Doctor’s Convention
There’s a bunch of doctors gathered together at a doctor’s convention. One night, a male doctor notices a female doctor from across the room. The female doctor notices also and the next thing you know, they’re sitting next to each other by the end of dinner. After dinner, the male asks the woman if she wants to go up to his hotel room.
“Sure,” the woman says. “Let me go wash my hands first.
“After she washes her hands, they have sex. After they are finished, she washes her hands again. This is really starting to annoy the male doctor so, with sarcasm in his tone, he says, “You know, you must be a surgeon, because you keep washing your hands.”
Angered at this remark, the woman says, “Well, you must be an anesthesiologist, because I didn’t feel a thing!”
Usual Tip
Johnny paid his way through college by being a waiter in a restaurant.
“What’s the usual tip?” asked a customer.
“Well,” said Johnny, “this is my first day, but the other guys said that, if I got five dollars out of you, I’d be doing great.”
“Is that so?” growled the customer. “In that case, here’s twenty dollars.
“Thanks. I’ll put it in my college fund,” Johnny said.
“By the way, what are you studying?” asked the customer.
“Applied psychology.”
If Mayans could…
If Mayans could predict the future, why didn’t they predict their extinction?