Matter of Age

I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his dental diploma, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark haired boy with the same name had been in my secondary school class some 40-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then? Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, grey haired man with the deeply lined face was far too old to have been my classmate.
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park Secondary School.
“Yes, yes I did. I’m a Morganner!” he beamed with pride.
“When did you leave to graduate?” I asked
He answered, “In 1975. Why do you ask?”
“You were in my class!” I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely as if examining me and then the ugly, old, bald, wrinkled, fat arsed, grey haired, decrepit bastard asked “Oh yeah? What subject did you teach?”

Lie Detecting Robot

John was a salesman’s’ delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.

It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11-year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late. “Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?” asked John. “Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,” said Tommy.. The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair. “Son,” said John, “this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school.” “We went to Bobby’s house and watched a movie..” said Tommy. “What did you watch?” asked Marsha. “The Ten Commandments,” answered Tommy.. The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, “I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.”

“I am ashamed of you son,” said John. “When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.” The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, “Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can’t be too mad with Tommy.After all, He is your son!” With that, the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.

White Sharks

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied a group of people playing too far from the shore.
“Follow me son” the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the group.
“First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing.” And they did.
“Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing.” And they did.
“Now we eat everybody.” And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, “Dad, why didn’t we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?”
His wise father replied, “Because they taste better if you scare the crap out of them first!”

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