A retired four-star general ran into his former orderly, also retired, in a Manhattan bar and spent the rest of the evening persuading him to come work for him as his butler.
“Your duties will be exactly the same as they were in the army,” the general said. “Nothing to it-you’ll catch on again fast.”
Next morning promptly at eight o’clock, the ex-orderly entered the ex-general’s bedroom, pulled open the drapes, gave the general a gentle shake, strode around the other side of the bed, spanked his employer’s wife on her bottom and said, “OK, sweetheart, it’s back to the village for you.”
Paul got a part time job at the Post Office. The first assignment his supervisor gave him was the job of sorting the mail. Paul separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur. Extremely pleased by this, the supervisor approached Paul at the end of his first day.
“I just want you to know,” the supervisor said, “that I’m very pleased with the job you did today. You’re one of the fastest workers we’ve ever had.”
“Thank you, Sir” said Paul, beaming, “and tomorrow I’ll try to do even better.”
“Better?” the supervisor asked with astonishment. “How can you possibly do any better than you did today?”
Paul replied, “Tomorrow I’m going to read the addresses.”
During a good manners and etiquette class being held for high-schoolers, the teacher said to her students:
“If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family, and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the restroom, what would you say to her?”
Mike raised his hand and replied: “Wait a minute, I’m going for a piss.”
The teacher said: “That would be very rude and improper on your part.”
Charlie replied: “I’m sorry I need to go to the toilet, I’ll be back in a minute.”
The teacher says: “That’s much better, but to mention the word ”toilet” during a meal is unpleasant.”
Then Johnny chimed in: “My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom I hope to be able to introduce to you after dinner.”