Flight Meal

There were 103 passengers and only 40 meals got loaded on a INDIA to US flight. The Airline had messed up, and the crew was in a fix. However, one smart flight attendant has an idea.

About 30 minutes into the flight she nervously announces, “I don’t know how this happened but we have 103 passengers and only 40 dinners.”

When the passengers muttering had died down she continued, “Anyone who is kind enough to give up his/ her meal so that someone else can eat, will receive free unlimited liquor during the entire duration of the flight.”

Her next announcement came an hour and a half later, “If anyone wants to change his/her mind we still have 40 dinners available!

Running in the Rain

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day, she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway.

“Oh my God, hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband’s home early!” she said.

“I can’t jump out the window. It’s raining out there!” 

“If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both!” she replied. “He’s gotta hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!”

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window. As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town’s annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

“Do you always run in the nude?’ one asked.

“Oh yes!” he replied, gasping in air. “It feels so wonderfully free!”

Another runner moved along side. “Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?”

“Oh, yes” our friend answered breathlessly. “That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!”

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, “Do you always wear a condom when you run?”

“Nope. Only when it’s raining.”

Report Card

Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good mostly A’s and a couple of B’s. However, her teacher had written across the bottom:

“Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit.”

Sally’s dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: “Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother.”