Why men are so cool

– You know stuff about tanks.- A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.- You can open all your own jars.- Dry cleaners and hair cutters don’t rob you blind.- You can go to the bathroom without a support group.- You don’t have to learn to spell a new last name.- You can leave the motel bed unmade.- You can kill your own food.- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.- Wedding plans take care of themselves.- If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.- Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.- If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.- Everything on your face stays its original color.- You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passengers seat.- Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.- You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.- Car mechanics tell you the truth.- You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: ‘He must be mad at me’.- Same work…more pay.- Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.- Wedding dress – $2,000. Tuxedo rental $75.- You don’t mooch off other’s desserts.- You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.- If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.- Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: ‘So, notice anything different?’.- You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.- You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.- You almost never have strap problems in public.- You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.- The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.- You don’t have to shave below your neck.- At least a few belches are expected and tolerated.- Your belly usually hides your big hips.- One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.- You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocketknife.- You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.- Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th in 45 minutes.NOT- The Ferrari 550 Maranello lists for over $200,000.- External genitalia are vulnerable to knees and fastballs.- Even if you get your head caught in an industrial wood chipper, you’re not allowed to cry.- Ribbed for her pleasure – not yours.- You have to wear ties.- You can’t flirt your way out of a jam.- ‘Women and children first.’