The Top 12 In-Ring Putdowns by Wrestler Bill "The Bard" Shakespeare
By 12> “Fat-kidneyed rascal, thine canker’d countenance shall kiss the cold earth anon!”
11> “What warrior doth tread distant battlefields unshod, his footwear relinquish’d to her whose loins begat thee?”
10> “But, soft! What stench through yonder buttocks breaks?”
9> “As thy wife for me last e’en did bend, So shall thy legs before thee at match’s end!”
8> “Of fruitless issue is thy ill-spoken slander! For elastic is my composition, whilst thine is adhesive.”
7> “Behind yon mask of red and gold, what coxcomb struts and frets in dainty tights, unswell’d by manly cord?”
6> “Thou mewling swag-bellied scullion! Thou wretched folly-fallen cutpurse! Most grievously doth thy visage offend the eye, thou droning flap-mouthed pignut!”
5> “Faugh! Thy putrid exhale couldst topple the carrion fowl from off his perch, atop a cart with human refuse laden.”
4> “Get thee to a nunnery! For next to nun, methinks, is thy prospect of victory.”
3> “Unbridled envy wouldst thine ample codpiece inspire, save that it concealeth naught but a minnow.”
2> “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s eve? For verily, thou art a douche-bag!”
1> “Hie thee away, scoundrel, lest this metallic vessel be oped; its whoop-ass forthwith unleash’d.”
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[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]