In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect...
quotes
640K ought to be enough for anybody -Bill Gates,1981
I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because the water is cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know.
'WORDS OF WISDOM AT THE HALF CENTURY MARK' From the book, 'Dave Barry Turns 50' 1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason...
If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.Blessed are they who.
"I thought it would make a wicked wave to surf on" -Moses, talking about the real reason he parted the Red sea. "Scattered showers my ass" -Noah "Bigamy is having.
The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open. * Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL Beauty is only a light switch away. * Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, NC If life is a waste of time, and time is a...
The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. - Jackie GleasonWhy does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm.
"I love the lines the men use to get us into bed. "Please, I'll only put it in for a minute." What am I, a microwave?" - Beverly Mickins (American.
"... It's easy if you try." - Lennon "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard." - Marx