Peter comes very drunk home late at night. He wakes his sleeping wife: “Emily wake up! You know what just happened!?” “No”, she replies sleepily. “I went to the toilet and the light switched on all by itself. And when I went out of there,...
drunk
A female officer arrests a drunk. She warns him, "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you." The drunk replies, "Boobs."
A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone. "I was only going 40!" the driver.
A preacher goes into a bar and says "Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up." Everybody stands up except for a drunk in the corner. The preacher says "My son, don't you want to go to heaven when you die?" The drunk says...
A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer. "I can't do.
An Irish man went to a pub and asked for 4 pints of beer. The bartender recommended that the Irish man get the pints one at a time so that he could.