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I can totally……..
I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t.
Doctor Visit
This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out.
She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What’s WRONG with me, Doctor!?”
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain’t nothing wrong with your eyesight….”
Before you marry……
Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with a slow Internet connection to see who they really are.
I got fired……
I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Cheap drinker
A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, “What’ll it be buddy?” The man says, “Set me up with five whiskey shots, and make ’em doubles.” The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all five are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he’s doin’ all this drinking. “You’d drink ’em this fast too if you had what I have.” The bartender hastily asks, “What do you have pal?” The man quickly replies, “I have a dollar.”
Even people who……
Even people who are good for nothing can bring smile on your face, when pushed down the stairs…