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Sometimes the only…………
Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad.And I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves.
Triangle Sides
A Horse Walks into a Bar… He approaches the bartender and says, “If there is a triangle with three sides labeled x, y, and z, and x and z are perpendicular to each other, which side is the hypotenuse?”
The bartender thinks for a moment, then replies, “Y, the long face.”
”I’ m sorry…..
”I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure out where the hell you got the idea I cared.”
College Exam
A college professor was giving a big science test. Upon collecting the tests she noticed a note attached to one of them with a $100 bill underneath it.
The note read, “One dollar per point please.”
The professor returned the test the following with $40 and a note attached.
The note read, “Here’s your $40 change.”
I can totally……..
I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t.
Doctor Visit
This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out.
She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What’s WRONG with me, Doctor!?”
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain’t nothing wrong with your eyesight….”