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Three Strikes
A farmer and his brand new wife were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled.
The farmer said, “That’s once.”
A little farther down the road the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer said, “That’s twice.”
A little while later the horse stumbled yet again. The farmer didn’t say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.
His brand-new wife yelled, telling him, “That was an awful thing to do.”
The farmer responded, “That’s once.”
Even people who…………
Even people who are good for nothing can bring smile on your face, when pushed down the stairs…
Our child………..
Our child has a great deal of willpower—and even more won’t power.
Going to Church
A homeless man, down on his luck, went into a local church that was known for its rather “uppity” social reputation.
Spotting the man’s dirty clothes, the ushers stopped him outside the church door and asked if he needed help.
The man told them, “I was praying and the Lord told me to come to this church.”
The ushers suggested that the man go away and pray some more and me might get a different answer.
The following Sunday the man returned and the ushers again stopped him at the door.
“Well, did you get a different answer?” they asked him.
“Yes, I did,” said the man. “I told the Lord that you don’t want me here, and the Lord said, ‘I am sorry, son. I’ve been trying to get into that church for years and I haven’t made it yet either.”
Trainee Blonde Detectives
A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
The first blonde answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he only has one eye!” The policeman says, “Well…uh…that’s because the picture shows his side profile.”
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”
The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, “Ha! He’d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!” The policeman angrily responds, “What’s the matter with you two?!? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it’s a picture of his side profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?” He quickly adds”… think hard before giving me a stupid answer.”
The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, “Hmmmm…the suspect wears contact lenses.” The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn’t know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. “Well, that’s an interesting answer…wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I’ll get back to you on that.”
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect’s file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
“Wow! I can’t believe it…it’s TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?
“That’s easy,” the blonde replied. “He can’t wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.
I can totally…….
I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t.