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Couples Night Out
A group of married friends are at a bar with their husbands for dinner and drinks. The couples chat about different topics, but eventually they switch seats so that all the men sit together and talk about sports and cars, while the women complain about their husbands to one another.
One of the female, clearly exasperated with her marriage and spouse, states loudly for all to hear:
“Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it’s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you’d like to have dinner.”
Hearing that statement, the woman’s husband retorted loudly:
“And women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache.”
”Unless your name…..
“Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.”
Interview Question
An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them one question and their answer would determine who would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked “What is the fastest thing you know of?” pointing to the man on his right.
The first man replied “A thought. It pops into your head. There’s no forewarning that it’s on the way, it’s just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of.”
“That’s very good!” replied the interviewer. And now you sir?
He asked the second man. “Hmm…. let me see, A blink! It comes and goes and you don’t know ever happened. A blink is the fastest thing I know of.”
“Excellent!” said the interviewer “The blink of an eye. That’s a very popular cliché for speed.” as he turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply.
“Well, out at my dad’s ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there’s a light switch, when you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light at the barn comes on in an instant.” Turning on a light is the fastest thing I can think of.”
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. “It’s hard to beat the speed of light.” he said. Turning to the fourth man, he posed the question.
“After hearing the three previous answers, it’s obvious to me that the fastest thing known is diarrhea.”
“WHAT!?” said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
“Oh I can explain.” said the fourth man. “You see the other day wasn’t feeling so good and I ran for the bathroom. But, before I could think, blink, or turn on the light, I’d crapped in my pants!”
He got the job.
Sometimes the only……
Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves!
Frantic Call
A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious patient.
“I’m diabetic and I’m afraid I’ve had too much sugar today,” the caller said.
“Well, let’s see. Do you feel any symptoms? Are you light-headed?” my colleague asked.
“No,” the caller answered, “I’m a brunette.”
”Sometimes the amount……..
Sometimes the amount of self-control it takes to not say what’s on my mind is so immense, I need a nap afterward.