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You have not……..
You have not been yourself lately. We have all noticed the improvement.
Adam and Eve
GOD is talking to Adam in the Garden of Eden, about the creation of a woman.
GOD: Adam how would you like to have a woman to live with you in the garden?
ADAM: What is a woman?
GOD: A creature like you but much prettier and she’ll cook for you, clean for you, keep you healthy, give you children, take care of you and never ever give any problems and please you in ways you could never ever imagine, But It will cost you… Alot
ADAM: How much?
GOD: An Arm and a Leg!
ADAM: taking a moment to think it through and after a long pause, he asks, GOD, WHAT CAN I GET FOR A RIB???
Even people who……
Even people who are good for nothing can bring smile on your face, when pushed down the stairs…
Snacking Habits
The husband had an annoying habit of searching through the refrigerator for a snack, usually while his wife was preparing a meal.
Once, after he had gone through this routine for the third time in as many minutes, she snapped, “Nothing’s any different than it was a minute ago.”
“I know that,” he assured her. “It’s just that this time I’ve lowered my standards.”
The best things…..
The best things in life are free *plus shipping and handling*
Detective Work
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. Holmes said: “Watson, look up and tell me what you see”.
Watson said: “I see a fantastic panorama of countless stars.”
Holmes: “And what does that tell you?”
Watson pondered for a moment: “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.”
“Why? – What does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes was silent for a moment then spoke: “My good Watson… someone has stolen our tent.”