NEW UNIVERSITY PROMOS

BROWN: Hey kids! Is half of your head shaved? Do you have a nose ring? Are you
terribly progressive and do you have a lot of empathy? Are you sick and tired of
silly things like grades and majors? COME TO BROWN!!!
COLUMBIA: Hey kids! Do you like Harlem? Do you like commuters? Are you
planning on transferring to another Ivy school after your freshman year? COME TO
COLUMBIA!!!
HARVARD: Hey kids! Do you hate teachers? I mean really hate them? Do you never
want to have another teacher again? And what about a social life? Do you hate
that too? COME TO HARVARD!!!
PRINCETON: Hey kids! Do you have any idea what an eating club is? Are you
pompous? Can you learn to be? Are you the smartest person you know? How many
clubs were you in high school? Have you always dreamed of living in the great
state of New Jersey? COME TO PRINCETON!!!
PENN: Hey kids! Did you like high school a lot? How about four more years of
the same? Are you dying to visit scenic West Philadelphia? Does the concept of
rigorous academics scare you? COME TO PENN!!!
CORNELL: Hey kids! Do you hate intimacy? Are you interested in jumping off
high places? Have you ever wanted to converse with future hotel managers? Do you
like bureaucracy? Do you like archaic forms and the chance to stand in lines
with the best and brightest? COME TO CORNELL — The Big Red Tape!!!
DARTMOUTH: Hey kids! Do you hate civilization? Looking to get away from stuff
like culture and people? Do you like to drink? Do you like to drink some more?
Do you like to continue to drink? And what’s your feeling on drinking? COME TO
DARTMOUTH!!!
M.I.T.: Hey kids! Are you a freakish nerd? Do you want to be? Do you hate
doing anything that doesn’t involve math? That’s right, math! Math math math
math and more math! COME TO M.I.T.!!! PLEASE!!!
BOSTON COLLEGE: If you haven’t figured out how to invent the wheel (but have
discovered fire and fire-sticks), don’t know your ass from your elbows (but do
know genetic plant structures and genetic recombination enough to produce 24
variants of ‘da weed’ with a garden weasel and a piece of Egyptian chewing gum
preserved for 2000 years, enjoy the advantages of indecision (hence being in
Boston, but not really), and enjoyed Student Council so much that you NEED TO
LIVE IT AGAIN, COME TO BC!!!
SYRACUSE: Hey kids, do you like it when your Chancellor takes all your money
and gives it to a private firm to design a new logo and mascot because yours
isn’t selling well? Are athletics the only thing that matters to you? Do you
believe in money first, students last? Is your idea of a good time learning
about the History of the salt trade and the Erie canal? THEN COME TO SYRACUSE!!!