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You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. –Frank Zappa Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. –Ernest Hemmingway Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. –Winston Churchill He was a wise man who invented beer. –Plato Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time. –Catherine Zandonella A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the –decency to thank her. W.C. Fields Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink. –Lady Astor to Winston ChurchillMadam, if you were my wife, I would drink it. –His reply If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have –given us stomachs. David Daye Work is the curse of the drinking class. –Oscar Wilde When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. –Henny Youngman Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. –Benjamin Franklin If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. –Deep Thought, Jack Handy Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. –Dave Barry The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. –Humphrey Bogart Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine. –David Moulton People who drink light ‘beer’ don’t like the taste of beer; they just like to pee alot. –Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. –Kaiser Wilhelm I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer. –Homer Simpson I gave up drinking once — it was the worst afternoon of my entire life. –BogartNot all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen,for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. –Dave Barry I drink to make other people interesting. –George Jean Nathan They who drink beer will think beer. –Washington Irving An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. –For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without –holding on. Dean Martin All right, brain, I don’t like you and you don’t like me – so let’s just do this and I’ll get back to killing you with beer. –Homer Simpson

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