Laws of Life

Katz’s Law:
Men and women will act rationally towards each other only after all other possibilities have been exhausted.

Churchill’s Commentary on Man:
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.

Sattinger’s Law:
It works better if you plug it in.

Cahn’s Axiom (aka Alien’s Axiom):
When all else fails, read the instructions.

Beckhap’s Law:
Beauty times brains equals a constant.

Cole’s Axiom:
The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.

Jone’s Motto:
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.

The Ultimate Law:
All general statements are false.

Knight’s Law:
Life is what happens to you when you’re making other plans.

Krueger’s Observation:
A taxpayer is someone who does not have to take a civil service exam in order to work for the government.

Benchley’s Law of Distinction:
There are two kinds of people in the world; those who believe there are two kinds of people and those who don’t.

Harver’s Law:
A drunken man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.

Rule of Accuracy:
When working towards the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.

Finagle’s First Law:
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

Finagle’s Third Law:
In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.

Rudin’s Law:
In crises that force people to choose among alternative courses of action, most people will choose the worst one possible.

Ginsberg’s Restatement of the Three Laws of Thermodynamics:
You can’t win.
You can’t break even.
You can’t quit.

Quantized Revision of Murphy’s Law:
Everything goes wrong all at once.

O’Toole’s Commentary:
Murphy was an optimist.

Murphy’s Constant:
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.

Firestone’s Law of Forecasting:
Chicken Little only has to be right once.

Ralph’s Observation:
It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize you are in a hurry.

Murphy’s 3rd Military Law:
Friendly fire ain’t.

Murphy’s 4th Military Law:
The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.

Murphy’s 5th Military Law:
The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.

Murphy’s 6th Military Law:
The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.

Murphy’s 7th Military Law:
The farther you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.

Murphy’s 8th Military Law:
Incoming fire has the right of way.

Murphy’s 9th Military Law:
If your advance is going well, you’re walking into an ambush.

Murphy’s 10th Military Law:
The quartermaster only has two sizes, too large and too small.

Murphy’s 11th Military Law:
If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.

Murphy’s 13th Military Law:
The only thing more accurate than incoming fire is incoming friendly fire.

Clarke’s Third Law:
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

Weiler’s Law:
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.

Peter’s Placebo:
An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.

Zymurgy’s Law of Volunteer Labour:
People are always available for work in the past tense.

Grossman’s Misquote:
Complex problems have simple, easy-to-understand wrong answers.

Ducharme’s Precept:
Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.

Perkin’s Postulate:
The bigger they are, the harder they hit.

Conway’s Law:
In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.

Stewart’s Law of Retroaction:
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

Horngren’s Observation (generalized):
The real world is a special case.

Shirley’s Law:
Most people deserve each other.

Gold’s Law:
If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.

Colson’s Law:
When you’ve got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.

Comin’s Law:
People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.

Mencken’s Metalaw:
For every human problem there is a neat, simple solution; and it is always wrong.

Sevareid’s Law:
The chief cause of problems is solutions.

Thoreau’s Law:
If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intention of doing you good, you should run for your life.

Gerrold’s Pronouncement:
The difference between a politician and a snail is that a snail leaves its slime behind.

Hane’s Law:
There is no limit to how bad things can get.

Alan’s Law:
All things being equal, you lose.