I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t.
A married couple was having a conversation. The husband asked his wife: "If i ever win the lottery what would you do?" The wife's respond was: "I would take half.
A biology teacher wished to demonstrate to his students the harmful effects of alcohol on living organisms. For his experiment, he showed them a beaker with pond water in which.
'Gods are fragile things, they may be killed by a whiff of science or a dose of common sense.’
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don’t care and the other 80% are glad you have them...
A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything.The shop owner suggests a faithful dog.The man replies,.
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of retirees when he is tapped on the shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which she gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on the shoulder...
My internet is so slow, it’s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them shit in person.
You have not been yourself lately. We have all noticed the improvement.
A young lady came home and told her mother that her boyfriend had proposed but she had turned him down because she found out he was an atheist, and didn't believe in God, nor Heaven or Hell. "Marry him anyway dear," the Mother said. "Between the...