''I don't have a welcome mat at my door because I'm not a liar."
Two prostitutes in a van were driving through a small southern town displaying a sign on the side of their van that read: TWO PROSTITUTES LOOKING FOR WORK. When pulled.
''I don't go crazy. I am crazy. I go normal from time to time."
While on a road trip, an elderly couple, stopped at Pizza Hut for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip to Phoenix. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until...
''What doesn't kill you gives you a set of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humor."
A philosophy professor was at a party and became indignant when asked if it was true that all philosophy professors were absent-minded. "No, they're not absent-minded. Don't you think I know where.
''I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”
An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up.
The sailor came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife with a newborn baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract.
''I would like to apologize to anyone I have not offended yet. Please be patient. I will get to you shortly."