How come "you're a peach" is a complement but "you're bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
Sarcastic One-Liners
I don't understand why people get attacked by sharks. Can they not hear the music?
I had my credit card stolen the other day but I didn't bother to report it because the thief spends less than my wife.
My superpower is making people laugh. Which would be great if I was trying to be funny.
If I ever need a heart transplant, I'd want my ex's. It's never been used.
Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?
My psychiatrist said I was pre-occupied with the vengeance I told him "oh yeah we'll see about that!"
To the person who invented infinity: "Thanks for everything."
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.
If you press the elevator button three times it goes into hurry mode – really...