Sure, I may not be in a relationship, but I am three people's plan B and someone's maybe if we're ever the last two people on Earth.
Sarcastic One-Liners
I've never played the bagpipes but I have carried a screaming three-year-old toddler over my shoulder.
One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
Don't mess with old people, life imprisonment is not that much of a deterrent anymore.
Squirrels always act like it's their first day of being a squirrel.
I know everyone thinks tall people have a lot of advantages in life but in reality, we have to deal with 40% more spider webs than you do.
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
I remember being in so much debt that I couldn't afford my electricity bills, it was a dark time.
Raccoons? Oh, you mean garbage pandas?
You can't tell me what to do, you're not my dog.