I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.
Sarcastic One-Liners
Despite my specific instructions, no one that has listened to my voicemail has left me a massage after the beep.
I once worked as a salesman and was very independent; I took orders from no one.
Work hard and save your money and when you are old you will be able to buy the things only the young can enjoy.
One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
Sure, I may not be in a relationship, but I am three people's plan B and someone's maybe if we're ever the last two people on Earth.
I've never played the bagpipes but I have carried a screaming three-year-old toddler over my shoulder.
One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
Don't mess with old people, life imprisonment is not that much of a deterrent anymore.
Squirrels always act like it's their first day of being a squirrel.