Don't mess with old people, life imprisonment is not that much of a deterrent anymore.
Sarcastic One-Liners
Squirrels always act like it's their first day of being a squirrel.
I know everyone thinks tall people have a lot of advantages in life but in reality, we have to deal with 40% more spider webs than you do.
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
I remember being in so much debt that I couldn't afford my electricity bills, it was a dark time.
Raccoons? Oh, you mean garbage pandas?
You can't tell me what to do, you're not my dog.
I'm in a long distance relationship. My girlfriend is in the future.
If I could meet my brain the first thing I would probably say is: "It was truly and sincerely horrible working with you."
You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.