"Sometimes I wish I were a nicer person, but then I laugh and continue my day."
Sarcastic One-Liners
“It’s wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.”
I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.”
"I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently 'a way out' wasn't the right answer."
I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, gross, godless, evil stuff... and I want it (:
My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.”
I never admit or deny anything it makes things more interesting.
“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.”
“I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure out where the hell you got the idea I cared.”
“Sarcasm the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.”