You can’t be a real country unless you have a BEER and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a BEER.
Sarcastic One-Liners
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad.And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves.
''I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure out where the hell you got the idea I cared.”
I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t.
Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with a slow Internet connection to see who they really are.
I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Even people who are good for nothing can bring smile on your face, when pushed down the stairs...
“If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.”
''When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”