Sometimes, I look at my boss and I can't believe this is what we ended up with after 6 billion years of evolution.
Sarcastic One-Liners
Some people are just treasures that you just want to bury them.
You have no one to blame but yourself. Unless some other guy is standing next to you then you can blame him.
I hate it when I think I’m buying organic vegetables but when I get home, I discover they’re just regular donuts.
Only dead fish go with the flow.
My boss keeps worrying about the zombie apocalypse coming. He forgets that zombies eat brains. He will be just fine.
I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain.
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother.