I always tell new hires, don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you.
Sarcastic One-Liners
Even people who are good for nothing can bring smile on your face, when pushed down the stairs...
Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.
Remember, everyone seems normal until you get to know them...
If I wanted to kill myself I’d climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!
Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software...it’s called #Monday, please fix it...
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation toward the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the ceiling!