Bathroom rhymes and graffiti (Part 3)

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In the engineering building, in small print low on the wall in the front
of the
stall so you had to lean forward to read it:

You are now shitting at a 45 degree angle.

Sure enough, he was right.

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 61
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“Here I sat to take a dump.
Out it squirmed, a greasy lump.
Greenish-black, like melting tar
Or oil from an old used car.
It floats a moment, then it sinks.
My chunky cable – how it stinks!
My ass cheeks tremble, my sphincter sighs,
And cramps of exhaustion clench my thighs.
I weep with pride at my slimy shit,
And ROB is the name I give to it!”

– Lord Byron

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 62
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In one persons handwriting –
I love Amy M.
In someone elses right below it –
Who hasn’t?

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 63
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I stink, therefore I am.

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Written on a bathroom wall:
“Question Authority”
and written beneath it:
“Why?”

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 65
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A sign I saw at a swimming pool once:

We don’t swim in your toilet,
so please don’t pee in our pool!

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 66
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Another sign seen at a swimming pool:

Welcome to our ool.
Notice there’s no P in it.
Please keep it that way.

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 67
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If you find there is no paper,
Use your finger as a scraper.

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 68
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Scrawled inside a toilet stall of a college chemistry building:

For a really high time, call CH3-COOH.

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 69
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here I sit
arms enfolding
my melting body.
I’m wondering of you
as I slowly become one
with the chair that holds me.

Here I Sit
———-
(as I slowly become one / with the chair that holds me)

:1:

Here I sit down, broken-hearted
Trying to push a yet unstarted
Poem into bright creation –
Oh, the pains of constipation!

Hours have passed, I’ve merely parted
Rump cheeks and effetely farted
Those weak blasts of wind excluded
Nothing concrete has extruded!

Other assholes far more shitten
In their time have poems written
Am I such a fucked up nerd
That can’t shit a single turd?

:2:

As I sit disgorging vapour
My pen rests on toilet paper
Spreading ink out from its tip –
Till the fragile sheets will rip,

And create a sphinctral fissure
Which the pen, with lightest pressure,
Will advance through, triumphally
… deepening my melancholy.

Save me lord from poet’s clog!
Spare me this cramped stinky bog!
This unending waiting on
A clammy bum-unfriendly john!

:3:

No! I will not sit and mope!
Yes! I’ll sit, with rumbling hope
To my tum a glow imparting,
Wishing shitting, faintly farting,

Till my muse gets off her butt
And proceeds to squeeze my gut –
Then will plop a finely worded
Poem, goldenly bemerded,

In a blaze of spice (and fury
of the evening’s hot tandoori
chicken …) and in one grand motion
I’ll have spewed my gut-emotion!

:Epilogue:

So I *will* sit, spouting gas
Even if, in hours that pass,
Crap coats brain and blood runs shitten –
I won’t rise till something’s written!

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 70
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In the Crown & Anchor Pub Ladies Room (Austin, Texas)

If you can’t trust me with a Choice,
How can you trust me with a Child?

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 71
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Seen in a college chemistry building’s men’s room:

Flush twice – this has to go all the way to the cafeteria!

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Sticker attached to electric hand-dryer in public restroom:

Push button for a message from Congress.

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Seen in a bathroom at a truck stop near Las Vegas, Nevada:

There used to be a Mexican joke here…but it slid off.

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Various graffiti written into the grout:

Alexander the Grout
All creatures grout and small
Down and Grout
Grout Expectations
Grout Expectations
Grout Googly Moogly
Grout balls of fire
Grout dane
Grout expectations
Grout fishing in America
Grout of sight, Grout of mind
Grout scott
Groutful Dead
Saur Grout
Sometimes a Grout Notion
The Grout Divide
The Grout Gatsby
The Grout Groutdoors
Take me grout to the ball game
Three Strikes You’re Grout
Twist and grout