Types of men…

Joe Sensitive – “After I wash the dishes, let’s cuddle, OK?”

Also known as: Mr. Nice Guy, Family man, Honey, Darling, Soft-boiled Egg, Snugglepup

Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts

Disadvantages: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy

Old Man Grumpus – “People are stupid. The world can go to hell. Let’s stay home and watch TV.”

Also known as: Grumbles, Sour puss, Stick-in-the-mud, Old Fogey, Slow Mover, Jerk

Advantages: Stays put; predictable

Disadvantages: Royal pain in the ass

Flinchy – “I–I’m sorry for whatever it was I did.”

Also known as: Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you

Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled

Disadvantages: Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle

Bigfoot – “Shut yer trap, I’m thinkin’.”

Also known as: Chunk-style, Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, the Hulk, Big ‘n’ Dumb

Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled

Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig

Lazybones – “Zzzzzz”

Also known as: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Bum, Sponge, Snoozebucket, Drug Addict

Advantages: Well rested; easy target

Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfull your dreams

The Sneak – “Who, me?”

Also known as: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, G-D Son of a Bitch

Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt

Disadvantages: May be having time of his life

Ace of Hearts – “After I wash the dishes let’s make love like crazed weasels, OK?”

Also known as: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova, Monster

Advantages: Perpetually aroused

Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused

The Dreamer – “Someday I’m going to be rich and famous. I don’t know how, but…”

Also known as: Struggling Artist, Philosopher, Buffoon, Bag of Wind

Advantages: Tells good stories

Disadvantages: Will turn into “Old Man Grumpus”

Mr. Right – “While the servants wash the dishes, let’s make love like crazed weasels in my new yacht, ok?”

Also known as: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy

Advantages: Answer to a woman’s prayer

Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction