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Ready to Marry
A young man went to his father one day to tell him that he wanted to get married. His father was happy for him. He asked his son who the girl was, and he told him that it was Pamela, a girl from the neighborhood.
With a sad face the old man said to his son, “I’m sorry to say this, son, but I have to. The girl you want to marry is your sister, but please don’t tell your mother.”
The young man was upset, but then he brought up 3 more names to his father. Unfortunately, the response was always the same. So he decides to go to his mother.
“Mama, I want to get married, but according to dad, all the girls that I love, are my sisters. He said I mustn’t tell you, but I don’t know what to do.”
His mother smiling said to him, “Don’t worry my son, you can marry any of those girls. They’re not your sisters because you’re not his son.”
The Catch
A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of red roses. Feeling bad over the old man’s clearly deteriorating mental abilities, he stopped by to see if he could help.
“What are you doing, my friend?” he asked the old man.
“Fishin’, sir.”
“Fishin’, eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?”
The old man stood put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of vodka and a fine cigar.
His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, “Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch today?”
The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, “You are the sixth today, sir!”
My therapist says……
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with revenge. We’ll see about that.
Understanding Wife
Most Friday nights at the naval station in Bermuda, we would assemble at the officer’s club after work. Z
One Friday, Rick, a newly married ensign, insisted he had to leave at 6 p.m.
We all tried to talk him into staying, but he’d promised his bride he’d be home by six. I offered to call home for Rick.
When his wife answered the phone, I said, “Rick has been kidnapped. Put five dollars in small, unmarked bills in a plain brown paper bag and throw it in the door of the officer’s club.” Then I hung up.
A short time later, a waiter brought a grocery bag to our table.
In it were Rick’s baseball glove, a tennis racket, and a teddy bear.
Attached to the bear was a note: “Rick can play kidnapped until 7 p.m. Then he must come home.”
I can’t believe…..
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.