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Even people who…..
Even people who are good for nothing can bring smile on your face, when pushed down the stairs…
Amish Ride
An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop. “Ma’am, I’m not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy.”
“Oh,” says Sarah, “I’ll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home.”
“That’s fine,” replied the cop. “Another thing, ma’am. I don’t like the way that one rein loops across the horse’s back and around his privates. I consider that animal cruelty. Have your husband take care of that right away too!”
Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop. “Well, dear, what exactly did he say?” Asked the husband.
“He said the reflector is broken.”
“I can fix that in two minutes. What else?”
“I’m not sure, Jacob, something about the emergency brake.”
Code Word
There’s this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, at the pulpit, he said, “If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I’ll quit!” Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had “fallen”. This seemed to work and things went well, until the priest passed away one day.
About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, “You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen.” The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about the code word.
Before the Mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at him and said, “I don’t know what you’re laughing about. Your wife fell three times this week.”
”I love sarcasm…….
“I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.”
You have not……..
You have not been yourself lately. We have all noticed the improvement.
Adam and Eve
GOD is talking to Adam in the Garden of Eden, about the creation of a woman.
GOD: Adam how would you like to have a woman to live with you in the garden?
ADAM: What is a woman?
GOD: A creature like you but much prettier and she’ll cook for you, clean for you, keep you healthy, give you children, take care of you and never ever give any problems and please you in ways you could never ever imagine, But It will cost you… Alot
ADAM: How much?
GOD: An Arm and a Leg!
ADAM: taking a moment to think it through and after a long pause, he asks, GOD, WHAT CAN I GET FOR A RIB???