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THANKS TO YOU……..
THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Uncle Johnny
One day Adam’s teacher told the class that everyone must find out a moral for the next day’s class.
One boy came in and said, “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch�.
The second boy said, “Don’t judge a book by its cover.”
Then Adam came in with a broken jaw and black eyes and said, “I asked my Uncle Johnny for a moral, and he told me to shut up. I told him he had to help me because it was homework.” The teacher said, “What is the moral, Johnny?”
� DON�T MESS WITH UNCLE JOHNNY WHEN HE’S DRINKING!!!”
”Sometimes I need….
”Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.”
Making Sandwiches
After going out with his girlfriend for a month, Dave decided he wanted to sleep with her. Unfortunately he still had to share a room with his 9 year old brother Jonny. One night, he waited for Jonny to fall asleep then he rang his girlfriend and asked her to come over. Quietly they climbed onto the top bunk of the boys’ bed and started to get undressed. After a few moments,
Dave realised that they would have to make up some sort of code for what they wanted each other to do if they didn’t want Jonny to hear them. Eventually they settled for “Lettuce” meaning Harder, and “Tomato” meaning Change Position. Soon they began to get into a rhythm.
LETTUCE!
TOMATO!
LETTUCE!
LETTUCE!
TOMATO!
OH WAIT! PULL IT OUT, PULL IT OUT!
I CAN’T GET PREGNANT!
Then suddenly quick as a flash, Jonny sat up and screamed at them, “Can you two PLEASE stop making sandwiches?! You’re
getting mayonaise all over my face!”
Their first daughter……
Their first daughter was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. Now they’re hoping for triplets so they can have a whole set.
Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5am for an early flight to Sydney.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5am.” The next
morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.. it said, “It is 5am, wake up!”