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Their first daughter……
Their first daughter was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. Now they’re hoping for triplets so they can have a whole set.
Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5am for an early flight to Sydney.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5am.” The next
morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.. it said, “It is 5am, wake up!”
I’m not a bad……….
I’m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell?
God is Missing
A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble
and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.
They boys’ mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would
speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, “Where is God?”.
They boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, “Where is God!!?” Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed, “WHERE IS GOD!?”
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When hisolder brother found him in the closet, he asked, “What happened?”
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, “We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing – and they think WE did it!”
Voice From Above
A man was walking down the street. All of a sudden he heard a loud voice say “Stop! Stand Still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.” The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after a while he was crossing the road. Once again, the voice shouted “Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die.” The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
“Where are you?” the man asked. “Who are you?”
“I am your guardian angel,” the voice answered.
“Oh yeah?” the man asked. “And where the heck were you when I got married?”
Shut up, will you……
Shut up, will you?” “Oh, I’m sorry, Your Highness, should I go get you your coffee and tea now?