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There were 103 passengers and only 40 meals got loaded on a INDIA to US flight. The Airline had messed up, and the crew was in a fix. However, one smart flight attendant has an idea.
About 30 minutes into the flight she nervously announces, “I don’t know how this happened but we have 103 passengers and only 40 dinners.”
When the passengers muttering had died down she continued, “Anyone who is kind enough to give up his/ her meal so that someone else can eat, will receive free unlimited liquor during the entire duration of the flight.”
Her next announcement came an hour and a half later, “If anyone wants to change his/her mind we still have 40 dinners available!
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day, she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway.
“Oh my God, hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband’s home early!” she said.
“I can’t jump out the window. It’s raining out there!”
“If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both!” she replied. “He’s gotta hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!”
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window. As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town’s annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
“Do you always run in the nude?’ one asked.
“Oh yes!” he replied, gasping in air. “It feels so wonderfully free!”
Another runner moved along side. “Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?”
“Oh, yes” our friend answered breathlessly. “That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!”
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, “Do you always wear a condom when you run?”
“Nope. Only when it’s raining.”
Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good mostly A’s and a couple of B’s. However, her teacher had written across the bottom:
“Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit.”
Sally’s dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: “Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother.”
A woman was in bed with her young lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
“Hurry, she said, stand in the corner.” She rubbed baby oil all over him, and then totally dusted him all over with talcum powder.
“Don’t move until I tell you,” she said. “Just pretend you’re a statue.”
“What’s this?” the husband inquired as he entered the room.
“Oh it’s a statue.” she replied. “The Smiths bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too.” No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2am the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
“Here,” he said to the statue, “have this. I stood like that for two frickin’ days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing.”
The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his blonde secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, “You graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I was to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?”
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, “Everything but my earrings.”